My Testimony

Now that you know my backstory, I thought I'd share my testimony on how I became a Christian.

The question, for me, was never "Does God exist?" I know God exists. This is why: When I was 7 years old, my grandmother came to me in a dream. I sat up in my bed, my grandmother sat next to me on the edge. She explained that she had died in her sleep that night and was okay. She told me that she loved me and would watch over me. She told me to tell everyone goodbye and also, to make sure I have someone check her closet when they go over there because there was a gift in there for me. She kissed my forehead and vanished.

What seemed like only seconds later, my mother opened my door and said "Amanda, your daddy just called and..." "And, Granny Ruby is dead...I know!", I said. My mom just looked at me in shock. "She said there is a present for me in her closet!" "How did you know that, sweetie?" "She told me just now."

That day, my mother went to my grandma's house, she went into her closet, and there it was. A wrapped package with my name on it. Inside was a Peewee Herman nightgown...I still have it.

So the question "Does God exist" was an easy one for me. Yes.

The part I got tripped up on was the Jesus part. The Bible just seemed so outlandish and crazy to me. And to be honest, parts of it still are...when I think of it from a logical human standpoint, at least. I saw "Christians" causing so much trouble in the world, I just couldn't imagine anyone admitting to being a crazy were they?!

I remember being a teenager and being witnessed to by my friends. I wanted NOTHING to do with that Jesus crap. The very sound of that name would anger me. Why? No reason really. It just did. I would sit at home, and do the ol' "If you exist, you can turn that light switch off...then I'll believe." The light didn't turn off...Jesus obviously doesn't exist. But I still kept asking for proof. "If you exist, you'll make this rubberband fly and hook that tiny spindle top to my alarm clock on the other side of the room." I remember shooting that rubberband and I can only imagine the shock on my face when it DID hook the spindle top of my alarm clock. An IMPOSSIBLE shot...but there it was. My reaction "Um...well, if you REALLY exist, you'll make it happen AGAIN!" Sorry, I only got one didn't happen the second time, so obviously he DIDN'T exist.

Fast forward to 2004. I met my wonderful husband on a blind date. One week later, we were engaged. He was a Christian. And he begged and begged me to go to church with him. I always refused because I DID NOT want to step foot in a church. I WOULD NOT be a hypocrite. BUT, he wanted to get married in a church, and to do that, we had to take pre-martial counseling at his church. On our first session, I broke down. Something about being in a church, or the Bibles lining the shelves in the pastors office, Justin's face when he talked about it lit up and shined...I cried, I babbled about my childhood, my dad who abandoned me, my mom and her strength through raising us, being homeless, having cancer. I was always looking for a reason to all my family had endured and I wanted so desperately for Jesus to be that reason. So that day, I took Jesus into my heart. I only wish he had stayed there. Justin and I were married in his church 2 weeks later.

I was baptized 5 months after we married.

A few years passed, I was a "lukewarm" Christian. We decided to have a baby. We tried...and no avail. A year passed and we were still not pregnant. I was beginning to really panic. I had wanted a baby since I had been a little girl. The thought of NOT having a baby was terrifying. I remember taking out the trash in our new house, threw the bag of trash away, I was staring into the empty trash can while I opened a box of trashbags. I remember praying "Dear Jesus, please show me a sign that one day, I'll have a baby, please, I have to be a mother...but if it's your will that I not have one, then help me come to peace with that." I pulled a trashbag from the box, shook it open and I hear a "CLING" noise in the trashcan. I look down and inside the trashbag was piece of metal. It had hit the edge of the can as I shook the bag open. I reached in and grabbed it. It said JESUS on it. A Jesus keychain was inside the trashbag I had pulled from the NEW box of bags I had just opened.

We went to church that Sunday. The preacher was preaching on mothers. He was preaching that not every woman would be blessed with a child and that for some, it was God's will that they not have children. I was shaking. I was hot and flushed...I broke into a cold sweat. I sat through that entire sermon feeling like I wanted to explode. I rushed the altar at the end and the preachers wife met me. I told her about my keychain, how I was praying for a baby at that exact moment. The church prayed over me and asked God to bless us with a baby or give us peace if it was God's will for us not have one. I TRULY accepted Jesus that day. All of Him. Everything he stood for.

3 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.

9 months later, I was baptized...AGAIN...for real this time. And then 9 months after that, I was pregnant for a second time.

I'm not saying that I don't have doubts, still. I think every Christian does. It's such a gamble to put your faith in something unseen. But too many times have we prayed for something and gotten it.

We pray to Jesus, and amazing things happen. I look into my children's eyes and THAT'S proof enough for me.

Jesus loves you, too. I hope you search Him out, you won't regret it.