The Virtuous Husband

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The Disclaimer and a History Lesson

Let me start by saying I’m not qualified in any way to give advice, even though my wife thinks I’m a great husband and father.  She sees me through the lens of a perfect love that filters out my many flaws.  Now back to me.  I can pretty much sum it up with one sentence.  I’m not perfect.  I’m a sinner.  Heck everyone knows that!  I can honestly say that God has worked on me one thing at a time to make me into a much better person.  I’m not a holy roller, bible thumper, or whatever is the term these days.  I’m just a regular guy doing the best I can, not by my own power, oh no!  Not by anything I’ve done, but ONLY by changes God has wrought in me.
Adjective: (of metals) Beaten out or shaped by hammering.

Amen!  So if you like what I say here, please don’t praise me, but praise God. 

I’m not what I would consider a very learned man.  I’m intelligent and I’ve prayed to God to grant me wisdom so that I may do something that pleases him.  I’m not a big reader of books, and I’m definitely not a writer.  So you’ll have to excuse my grammar.  The only book I do read is The Bible and I jump around here and there a lot in it.  I’ve never sat down a read it cover to cover.  You’ll notice I get lots of stuff from Paul Washer.  I can only quote what I know, and I know I’ve burned a CD of his sermons from and listened to them in my vehicle several times.  Lucky for me, God doesn’t call the qualified; he qualifies the called.  My wife has called me to do this, trust me it wasn’t my idea! :)

I’ve prayed about this and asked God to give me His words.  I’m no preacher, that’s for sure!  I’ve always gone to Baptist churches, so I guess I’m a Baptist.  I try not to get too hung up in each any specific denominational rules, so to speak.  I try to only focus on what the Bible says.  I’ve been blessed with churches with great preachers that preach truth.  If the truth offends you, too bad!  That’s a good indicator that maybe you need to examine your life and change something!  The bar of Christ can never be lowered from perfection.  If you have an issue with that, you may not be a Christian.

My only intention here is that hopefully my incoherent ramblings can in some manner help someone.  I’m not all knowing.  Please take everything I say with a grain of salt.  You can be positive that I will say something wrong, or slip up somehow.  I’m just a man doing the best I can.  If you find something in the Bible that shows that I am wrong please post it.  It honestly should be pretty easy to catch me in a mistake.  I will gladly submit to any biblical corrections you may offer.  I’m not here to impress anyone, which would be impossible!  Many people will read this that are my spiritual elder and whom are more qualified to speak than me.  I request that you pray for me and help not me to give advice, but for God to give advice through me.  Pray for people’s hearts to hear what God wants them to hear, not what I want to say.

Not everyone has a relationship like me and my wife do.  Trust me on this.  I had two long term relationships before I met my wife.  Both around 2 – 3 years each and neither one of them was near what my wife and I have now.  Not so much because of anything I was doing wrong, but because those girls\women weren’t my wife.  A wife of noble character who can find? Proverbs 31:10 God has CLEARLY blessed me with an incredible wife and an incredible relationship with her. 

For our first few years as a couple, we had our fights, yelling, we were stubborn, selfish, you name it.  But, we were still a great couple and the good times outweighed the bad about a million to one.  Every relationship will have their fights, but hopefully you will be moving forward and having fewer and fewer fights.  I can’t remember the last time we had a fight now… 

Speaking from a man’s point of view, every woman responds differently to input.  Some of the people I was in relationships with (usually shorter relationships 1-2 months) were just about impossible to work with.  If I wanted them to do something, I would have to tell them over and over and over and over again, and they would never listen!  It was a learning experience when I met my wife.  I had to majorly tone down what I was used to because she listened so well.  I was used to feeling like a parent telling their two year old to quit climbing up on furniture.  No matter how many times I would say please don’t do that, five minutes from now they’d be doing it again.  I didn’t know any better, because it had become normal to me.  With my wife, I can just mention something in passing, just as a side note in a conversation.  She will remember it and do it, forever.  I will (usually) never have to bring it up again!  It’s really incredible and is a big part of why our relationship works so well.  I can see how much she does for me and I try my best to listen, remember, and do things that make her happy.  I don’t always succeed, but at least I try.  FYI, she was probably laughing out loud to read that I try to remember.  I’m pretty forgetful.  What were we talking about again?

Oh yeah!  Things that I do, that work in my marriage, may not work in yours.  They may not have even worked in my previous relationships.  This is intended for normal marriages, not abusive ones.  If your husband is abusing you, please don’t ‘submit to him.’  I don’t even know what to tell you to do.  Go to your nearest church and get help!  If you are a southern Baptist, ask your preacher if he is the member of the NRA.  :)