Submission, Leadership, and the Wooden Boulder Incident

I got these verses and wisdom from Paul Washer in a sermon entitled “Recovering Biblical Womanhood”.  If you read what I write and then listen to the sermon you will find much that is verbatim what he is saying.  He says it much better than I could, so why should I try to put my own spin on it?  I’m typing it out because I know people are more likely to read this than listen to an hour long sermon!  Thanks Paul :)

1st peter 3:1-7 (verses 6&7 from Amplified)

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].  7 In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]

Both man and women were created in God’s image and both have an equal standing before God. 

Genesis 1:27 So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them. 

The different roles they play in the marriage have nothing to do with a lack of equality.  When the bible says the man is the head of his home and a wife is to live in submission to her husband, it doesn’t mean that the wife is less than her husband.  If you think it does, then you’ve just destroyed the Trinity.  Because did not the Son submit to His Father, so does that make the Son less than His Father?  If you say yes, then you have just committed heresy.  The Son submitted to His Father, yet the Bible says the Son and The Father are one and they are equal.  So my wife and I are one and we are equal.  Yet we function in different roles.  Men and women are different and we were made different by our Creator. 
My wife submits to me, yet I treat her better than I treat myself.  I place her needs above my own, and therefore she places my needs above hers.  Everyone wins!  Husbands, if your wife doesn't love you enough, it's your fault!  "We love him, because he loved us." 1 John 4:19.  The church was won by that love. Jesus loved us first and from his great love, we love him in return.  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.”  Wives should submit to their husbands, but I think a husband’s love for his wife is a prerequisite to a wife truly submitting to her husband.  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.  Even the perfect wife is going to have major issues submitting to a childish, self centered boy, who lives for himself.  If a wife looks over and she sees a man with God’s word imprinted on his heart, and he lives that out in their relationship, and he puts his family first, and the woman sees that he sacrifices friends, hobbies, everything for the sake of blessing his family.  A woman will follow a man like that, who is selflessly giving himself away to his family.  See, again the responsibility falls on men.  Just like at work, if you are a boss.  If the men under you mess up, the big boss doesn’t go talk to those men, he comes and talks to you!  Your men messed up; they are under your authority.  It’s the same way with a family.  The man is responsible.  Wives, quit elbowing your husband’s now!

Spiritual Leadership
Men are supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home.  I try my best to do this, but honestly a lot of the time my wife picks up the ball when I have dropped it.  Men are usually more independent.  I’m thinking I have my own spiritual life handled.  My wife should handle her spiritual life too, right?  Not necessarily.  Even though your wife may be very Godly she was not created for that.  She is a woman who can grow before God in her own right without us, but she was also made to grow with us and under our guidance and under our example.  And when we neglect that, we are neglecting something very important.  The fact that men and women were made by God to be different.  Why did he make us this way?  Because marriage is not ultimately about marriage, marriage is ultimately about us representing the relationship between Christ and the church.  Can the church grow independently of Christ?  No, it cannot.  Women were created to grow with their husbands.  That doesn’t mean he lords it over her or he knows more than her, but she was just made for that reason.  You leave her alone or think that she can make it on her own which is often times my sin, you will mess up the whole thing that Christ is trying to do. 

Ephesians 5:22-28
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 2Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[
b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Submission works both ways, I submit to my wife too!  She is my most trusted counselor.  If we are not both in agreement on something major we will discuss it until we are in agreement, then we will proceed.  That doesn’t mean we talk about every little thing we do.  There has to be a level of trust for each partner to operate autonomously and we will convene on the major issues.  If my wife and I are not in agreement on a major issue, a red flag goes up.  Ok, let’s postpone that decision if possible.  We can pray together and talk about it (pay attention men) more until we come to unity.  If the decision has to be made and we can wait no longer, as the head of my family, it’s my job to make that decision.  If I’m right and my wife is wrong I don’t gloat over her.  If she is right and I am wrong she doesn’t gloat over me.  Husbands WILL be judged more severely than wives.  If he is wrong, do not gloat over him, but be broken-hearted because he will be called to account for those wrong decisions he has made.  You need to be praying for him (and for the leaders of our country).  Even though your husband may make decisions nonchalantly because he doesn’t have the fear of the Lord, or just doesn’t know any better, you need to pray for him.  When he makes a wrong decision you need to be a blessing to him.  It’s a hard thing. To whom much is given, much is required.

If my wife has a better way to do something than me, we’ll use her method.  Of course, I’m usually right.  Sometimes I don’t think her idea is good and I’ll try it my way and I’ll fail miserably.  Then I’ll try it her way, just so she will be quiet… and it works, much to my dismay.  And vice versa of course!  Part of being human is that no one is ever right all the time.  I’ve only made one mistake so far...  I thought I had messed up, but I was wrong! HA!

So once upon a time I was making wooden blocks for our children to play with.  Side note: foam blocks are better and cheaper.  The blocks I made are beastly.  They should probably be called wooden boulders instead of wooden blocks.  I mean if you drop them they probably break the house’s slab!  So anyway, the time has come to paint the blocks.  I had been thinking about this off and on for longer than I care to admit.  I ruled out putting a screw in to them and suspending each block. Because I’d need to fill the screw hole with lots of paint, or wood putty and I really didn’t feel like doing that on every block.  So I was about to build this elaborate ramp with sides on it.  I was going to place the blocks on the ramp, pour the paint over the blocks and let the paint drain back into the paint can.  That way very little would be wasted.  I was trying to explain my brilliant idea to my wife, that took me a quite a while to figure out.  She simply said, why don’t we paint half the block, let it dry, then turn it over and paint the other side.  I just sat there dumbfounded.  I still don’t really know what to say.  Her idea was incredible, so obvious.  Needless to say we did it her way and we both still laugh about it!


Anonymous said…
Great job! I love you, and I am thankful for you and your family. Dad
Anonymous said…
Thank you!
Unknown said…
I do not see how the principles highlighted in the post come from the cited texts. It seems that they are just what the preacher thinks is correct. He is supporting his principles with these texts, yes, but he is not showing that these principles are taught by the texts.
I see what you mean. I did some googling and couldn't find anything spelled out cut and dry. However, it says the husband is the head of the wife. I take that to mean that I am in charge and therefore will be held responsible. I said in my first post I am no expert and I'm welcome to anyone who can further my knowledge and everyone else's too. Like the poster above me said, if anyone can find scripture to directly prove me right or wrong, please post it. I hope I am correct for my own sake. The last thing I want to do is mislead anyone.

Popular Posts