Taking Requests and Answering Questions

Virtuous Husband here!

Today I’m going to try my best to answer two questions I received on my wife’s blog.  I thought this was going to be easy, but I got some very serious questions!  Now for the first question.

How do I help my husband be a stronger spiritual leader? He is a believer, but he just hasn't taken a leadership role.

To be honest, I didn’t really know how to answer either question I was asked.  I’ve thought a lot about them, prayed about them, done research, listened to sermons, read the bible, and talked to my wife.  Pretty much everything I could think of.  I found several good websites on how to encourage your husband, some of them pretty harsh to women, but one thing stood out to me.  All these articles were being written by women!  It seems to me like this is a real need that women have and I believe God formed this desire into them.  More on that in another letter.
I got the next few scriptures and some of the text toward the bottom from a sermon by Paul Washer entitled “What a Man is Not”.

Genesis 18:19
18 Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him.[c] 19 For I have chosen him , so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.”

Abraham was the father of a nation and his descendants are innumerable, like the stars in the sky.  You would think God would have chosen him for some certain skill or ability that he had, but no.  God chose him so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord.  That really shows you where God’s priorities are!

Deuteronomy 6:5-9
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Ok when I read this I feel really inadequate.  In reading & researching this, it hit me.  I’m not being the spiritual leader I’m supposed to be for my family.  I mean we go to church, most of the time.  We are careful what we watch on TV and what we listen to.  There is so much garbage out there, and it’s so easy to be desensitized to it.  My wife and I are both doing our best to grow; we still have a long way to go.  Don’t get me wrong, we’ve both come a really long way, and it’s a testament to God for not giving up on us.  I’ve definitely done some good things as the spiritual leader in my home, but not as much as I should.  Whenever something was totally unacceptable I would stand my ground and say, no we are not doing this period.  There was once or twice, early on in our relationship where it caused a MAJOR fight, but I would stand my ground and not back down no matter what.  I didn’t yell or raise my voice, I just stayed as calm as possible and was unwavering.  In the short term, let’s just say it didn’t earn me any brownie points.  But, in the long term my wounds have healed up nicely (joking of course) and everything is great.  Now she is a Christian, thank God!  We are much closer on our ideas & views, so I don’t really see us having any huge arguments. 

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers,[b] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

The whole time my children are under my authority, in my house, I am to pour my life into them, do everything for them, teach them the scripture, lead them by example, and their responsibility is to honor me and obey me.  If my children do obey me, then I will be responsible on the Day of Judgment for the way I have led my children.

I am under God’s authority and I am putting my wife and children under the same authority than I am under.  I’m not going around commanding them, making stuff up on a whim, I have to follow God’s word.  Since I have to obey His word and His word has brought such a blessing in my life, in my house they will obey this word.

From what I read from women who have went through the same situation and the new burden on my heart to be a better spiritual leader for my family, I can say I feel the best way to encourage your husband to be a better spiritual leader it to pray for him.  Since he is already a Christian I think if he were to do some reading and find out what God expects of him, he would be more motivated to try harder.  I certainly am!  I’ll be honest, when I get home from work, I play with my kids and help get them bathed, but in some way I just shut down.  I’m tired, I’m ready to relax.  Every night I am always there to put them in bed and we all pray together as a family.  Which is good, but I’m going to try to do better.  I bought the girls a devotional where you read a story, then read a bible verse, and they repeat a prayer with you.  I’m going to do better about reading that, rather than let it gather dust on the shelf.  My wife has been doing better than me lately, she teaches the girls during the day and it really blesses my heart, I’m so, so thankful for that.  Like I said above, there is more to come on this subject, just stay tuned!

In your opinion, what makes a successful faithful marriage?

Let’s see what’s behind question number two!  This one really tripped me up too.  I couldn’t narrow it down to just one thing.  There are so many important components to a marriage, there was no way I could name one over all the others.  I started thinking about all of these different things and I noticed a pattern, they were all tied together in a web, with Jesus being at the center.  The key is to figure out how to get your eyes off of the storm, and onto Jesus.  As my old preacher would say, “You need to get under the spout where the Glory is coming out!”  Jesus makes a successful marriage.  If both partners have their eyes on Jesus, and are striving to be like him, and depending on him, a lot of your problems will go away.  They certainly did for my family.  When we started tithing correctly, God’s hand on our life started blessing us in such incredible ways.  Trust me, He can do more with nothing than you can do with 
everything! Here's a visual my wife and I drew up: 

I don’t know if I’m old or wise enough to say what makes a successful marriage on down the line.  But for now, keep your eyes on Jesus and don’t focus on the storm.  I think if you are both growing together in your faith as a couple and teaching your children about the word of God.  You are doing alright.  Just keep that up, and never stop.  If you are in the word, God will reveal to you anything you need to know.  In my opinion the most important thing in life is your family and teaching them the word of God.  Your children will tell their children stories of you, and train your grand children with the principles you are teaching them now.  James 4:2 You do not have because you do not ask God.  Pray for wisdom to know what to pray for!

2 Timothy 3:14-17
But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 15 and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Ok I have to give God glory.  I honestly don’t know where all these scriptures are coming from, they are just appearing in my brain and somehow they all tie into what I am saying!  I mean what HE is saying!  What a great day!

Here are some websites that relate to helping your husband become a better spiritual leader from some women who have been there and done that.  I sincerely hope these help you in some way.


Anonymous said…
Good job :) sounds like God is inspiring you!!
Anonymous said…
This is how God put my marriage back together after I divorced my hubby in 2010. God is good!

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